“Well I’m gonna park
the cars and check the luggage, and well, I’ll be outside for the Season.”
Each year when Christmas time rolls around
we light the yule log, binge eat figgy pudding (honestly does anyone eat that culinary
delight?), and take in the greatness that is Christmas Vacation. I have consumed
this cinematic masterpiece and all it has to offer since it was given to world
like a gift from the magi back in 89'. Each year as I have taken this in for my
viewing pleasure, it has meant something different. As a kid I saw Clark as a funny,
eccentric, and over the top adult. As an adult, all I see is a version of me.
For this express reason please enjoy the top 5 reasons why this movie means
more to me as an F'er than ever before.
1. Anticipation
of the Season: As soon as the leaves turn and Costco begins putting out their
Christmas decorations (which seems to be October) I start to get excited for
the Holidays. As a kid I would get pumped due to the prospect of the Christmas
haul, but as an adult I get excited about making Christmas as cool as possible
for my offspring and loved ones. Throughout the movie you can see Clark's desire
to make this happen. From hand digging out his own Christmas tree to being a
nervous mess about his Holiday bonus, Mr. Griswold's only purpose is to make to
make Christmas as memorable as possible. Hence the poetic line uttered in this
masterpiece, “We’re gonna press on, and we’re going to have the hap, happiest
Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny f’ing Kaye.”
2. Family: I once heard it
eloquently stated that fish and family both start to go bad after 3 days. With
this being said, the Holiday season is a time to be together with friends and
family. Even though there are annoyances, its truly what the season is all
about. Clark embodies this by wanting everyone to be under his roof. Even
though he spends all his time trying to avoid contact with familial relations,
he goes out of his way to make sure everyone is there and involved. This cohabitation
of shared genetic material can produce memories that will last for a lifetime
or possibly produce a wrapped up cat and an overdone turkey. One of the most
classic lines from the Movie is when Ellen declares, “I don’t know what to say,
except its Christmas we are all in misery.”
3:
Lights: When Tomas Edison invented the light bulb, I am fairly certain
he had no idea the level of contention it would produce in my household around
the Holiday season. First let me state for the record that I am all about Christmas
lights. The source of debate in my house revolves around the quantity. My wife
is all about straining the power grid and I am all about a nice roof line. Impending
death on an icy roof is not my bag, and to this my wife tells me to get over it
and man up. Every time I watch this movie and see him falling off the roof
multiple times, I take the subtle moment of cinematic instruction to explain to
my significant other why the upper roof pitch will remain as obscured as the
dark side of the moon. Clark reassures
the public that putting up Christmas lights is family trait much like common
DNA when he says, “Dad, you taught me everything I know about exterior illumination.”
4.
Stress: Andy Williams and his voice of gold may have sang, “It’s the
hap-happiest time of the year” but the Holidays can also be the most stress-stressful
time of the year. Finances, family, and meeting expectations can all induce the
classic Christmas freak-out. This movie nails all this yuletide emotion has to
offer. I am fairly certain we can all relate to the Christmas melt down, from
Clark fixing the newel post with a chain saw, to losing his mind over his invitation
to the jelly of the month club. It’s
ironic that the time of the year in which we should be focused on peace on
earth and good will toward men can produce 100% proof emotions of rage and
stress. My favorite Griswold melt down goes as follows… Ellen states, “Clark, I
think it would be best if everyone went home… before things get worse.” To which
Clark replies, “WORSE? How could things get any worse? Take a look around here,
Ellen. We’re at the threshold of hell.”
5.
Eddie: We all have an Uncle Eddie in our lives, whether or not this
person shows up over Christmas or is involved in our daily life. I bet if we
all look hard enough into our pool of friends and family, an Uncle Eddie will
show up. Eddie’s character embodies the individual in your life that drives you
insane, but deep down (in some cases really deep down) you really love. Eddie
for all his flaws is fiercely loyal, and willing to go to bat for Clark. Clark’s
response to Eddie’s impromptu visit yields one the finest quotes from this
picture show. Eddie states, “You surprised to see us, Clark? Clark responds, “Oh,
Eddie…. If I woke up tomorrow with my head sewn to the carpet, I wouldn’t be
more surprised than I am now.”
To all you F’ers out there, enjoy your Holiday
season. Most of all remember, “you can’t see the line can you Russ.”
