I had lunch with by buddy Trevor the other day and we got talking about the "F" word and things we do with our kids. He shared some classic kiddo experiences that induced a solid belly laugh. Being that he is a great father, and a year older than me (making him extremely old and wise), I asked him to impart some of his sage advise with the "F" Word tribe. This is coming to you Straight Outta Compton, Trevor Compton that is....
I’m f*#ty. And…what
that means is that I’m old enough to sometimes remember what I was like when I
was cool. Most of the time, I
forget.
But the rub is…my kid’s AREN’T. To them, I’m bald, wrinkly, and boring
dad. They don’t remember the cool
dad. All they know is the dad that
listens to talk radio, podcasts, and occasionally jams out to “old guy” music
while they’re in the car to embarrass the living daylights out of them in front
of their friends. The dad that doesn’t
like anything cool, that doesn’t DO anything cool, and the dad that has only a
fleeting recollection of what cool actually is.
Or was. Or should be.
So, before I continue, I need to make one thing perfectly
clear. I’m writing this post to give
advice to you, f*#&y-year-old dads.
The advice is this: DO THINGS
WITH YOUR KIDS THAT YOU ENJOY. Why would you
want your kids to see you as the dad that goes to Disneyland but hates it. The dad that spends too much money at places
with dancing rodents just because his kids begged him and he caved in. Nobody wants to be the CAVE-IN Dad. Being CAVE-IN Dad teaches your kids that
you’re even less cool than they thought and that you’ve lost touch with who you
are as a person. Be yourself. And in doing so, you’ll find out that your
kids love you and are impressed and proud of who you are as a person and the
things that YOU like to do.
With that out of the way…here are the ten things you
should start doing with your kids right now.
Not only because they’re (probably) enjoyable for you too, but because
they will learn valuable lessons in the process about being proud of who they
are and not afraid or embarrassed to be themselves:
10. Take
them to nice restaurants. I once
had one of my sons take off his flip flop in the middle of dinner, throw it
across the dining room floor, bounce off a light, and land in another
customer’s glass of wine. True
story. For most of us the idea of going
to a nice restaurant is appealing because you get AWAY from eating PB&J and
don’t have to listen to all the fighting and complaining about the food. Bringing young kids to a nice restaurant
seems like complete social suicide. But
here’s why you should do it: Because the
more your kids see how to behave in places like high end restaurants, the more
likely they are to learn manners and respect in public situations. Just don’t let them wear flip flops…it’s
harder to throw shoes if they’re tied tight.
9. Drive
through the wrong neighborhoods.
OK, so carrying racist signs through ethnically diverse neighborhoods
may not be smart with or without kids.
But going out of your way to drive on the “other side of the tracks” once in a while to give
your kids a bit of perspective. Whatever
side of the tracks you live on, it’s valuable to have them see what else is out
there in this big blue spinning rock.
8. Take
them to work with you. So, if
you work in a coal mine, it might be tough to pull off. “I got the black lung, pop.” Otherwise, most employers, supervisors, and
companies will welcome the chance for your kids to see what you do all
day. My dad flew 737s growing up, so it
was a little tougher, but he still managed to take me up in the cockpit once in
a while and to the training simulator.
It made a lasting impression, because I still have a fascination with
flying. The converse is also true…if you
have a boring job, it will be good for your kids to see this and aim a little
higher than their old man.
7. Nothing. That’s right.
Do nothing. Unplug, turn off the
screens, and just sit and be lazy together.
Let’s face it…it’s healthy. And
it’s something everyone should incorporate into their lives. Down-time recharges the batteries and makes
you grateful for the “up” times.
Meditation is a great way to structure and focus your down time, but it
can be as simple as laying vertical on the couch and throwing a baseball at the
ceiling. Whatever it is, just do it
together and get your kids used to the idea that they don’t have to be
entertained every second of every day.
6. Travel
together. On an airplane. Yes, you heard me. Carry the strollers, car seats, diaper bags,
sippy cups, and all the screens you can find to keep them entertained. It’s gonna suck getting through the TSA, and
you’re going to wish you had Benadryl to…ahem…keep their “allergies” at bay. But your kids are going to remember it, learn
about traveling (not to be scared of flying among other things) and see the
world. Their world right now is probably
the four walls of your home, a bus stop, a few friends houses, and school. That is a pretty darn small place. Show them that the “school of life” can be so
much more educational and that there is so much more to see and do than any one
person could accomplish in a lifetime. My
entire family will always remember seeing mom almost step on a Boa Constrictor
in Costa Rica after the rest of us walked right by thinking it was a
stick. What a memory! Are you beginning to see a theme here? Perspective.
5. Go to
rock concerts. Or any concert
for that matter. If you haven’t seen the
Twenty-One Pilots show, put it on your bucket list. My kids are 4, 7, and 10. The 4 year old had a cold, but my wife and I
took the two older kids to see them live in Salt Lake City over the
weekend. Their eyes were as wide as
saucers the entire night watching people (quite the clique) and watching the
incredible show. Do I want them in the
mosh pit smashed against the front stage…probably not just yet. But for their first real concert, it was
memorable for them even from the back row.
They may not realize just how cool this was of their parents to do until
many years from now. But what an amazing
night and experience for both parents and kids.
4. Run a
race. Odds are that your days of
competing at a high level athletically are long gone. At least mine are. But the atmosphere of a race (run, bike,
swim, motorcycle, etc.) is electric.
It’s something they’ll remember for a long time. And seeing the winners finish will give them
inspiration to compete in something for themselves. Seeing the last few stragglers come across
the line will also inspire them to know that ANYONE can run a race. So, if mom and dad do a half marathon…sign
the kids up for a 5k or a Kids K.
They’ll be so excited to be part of the family team.
3. Backpacking/Camping. “Yeah, but my kids aren’t big enough to carry
a pack, they don’t like to eat fish or freeze-dried food, and they don’t have
the gear for it.” I’ve heard all the
excuses. I’ve made them myself. The one thing I’ve learned after doing it for
a few years now is that your kids will surprise you with how capable they
are. And there’s something about being
outdoors that will really give them a connection with nature, themselves, and
with their parents. Try it once and
you’ll likely make it a family tradition.
2. Go on
dates with them. Don’t be
confused…I’m not advocating that you take them with you on your date night with
your spouse or significant other. I’m
saying to take THEM out on a date. Teach
them how to behave (open doors for their date, pay the bill, compliment their
date, focus on them and not their phone, etc.).
This will go a long way when they start dating and learn to distinguish
a well-behaved partner from a selfish douchebag.
1. Choose
your own adventure. I know there
are one or two things that you really love to do that are a bit on the wild
side. Skydiving, bungee jumping,
motorcycles, airplanes, paintball. I
don’t care what it is…but you absolutely MUST do them with your kids. Start them out small if it’s a scary
endeavor. But at the very least, show
them what you do and explain to them WHY you do it. Seeing you do something you’re passionate
about will get them through the times that they get down in the dumps. Knowing that everyone has a thing or two that
really gets their juices flowing is a great lesson for your kids to learn. Because they will search for that in their
own lives. And once they find it, they
will truly find fulfillment and purpose.
They will have something to live for even when life seems like it isn’t
worth living. And maybe they’ll read
this in 20 years when they have kids of their own and pass along the passion to
their own kids. At the very
least…they’ll have something to tell their friends about at school when they’re
bragging about how cool their dads are.
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